Stop Trying to Make Yourself Lovable: A Reflection on Surrender, Trust, and Divine Love

In his powerful and heartfelt message “Stop Trying to Make Yourself Lovable,” Dr. Michael James challenges believers to reconsider the motivations behind their spiritual practices and invites them into a deeper, more authentic relationship with God—one rooted not in striving, but in surrender. Drawing from the mystical writings of Servant of God Luisa Piccarreta, Dr. James delivers a call to stop the relentless self-improvement efforts cloaked in religiosity and instead embrace the profound truth that God already loves us fully, as we are.

Dr. James opens by acknowledging a common spiritual struggle: the tendency to overcomplicate the path to holiness. He particularly addresses how women, though not exclusively, often fall into the trap of believing they must constantly “do more” to be worthy—saying more rosaries, organizing more structured prayer routines, and seeking the “right” formula to live in the Divine Will. While these devotions are beautiful and important, Dr. James warns that when they become a means of earning God’s love, they lose their intended purpose.

The core message is simple yet radical: God’s love is not conditional. We are not called to become lovable in order to be loved. Rather, we are already loved by a God who delights in us—even in our awkwardness, imperfections, and spiritual immaturity. This love, Dr. James insists, cannot be earned or deserved; it is a gift, freely given, meant to be received with trust and gratitude.

Referencing Volume 7 of Luisa Piccarreta’s writings, Dr. James highlights Jesus’ teaching that a soul must be buried in His Will—completely surrendered—to rise to new divine life. It is not through personal efforts or meticulous routines that transformation happens, but through total fusion with God’s will. Jesus assures Luisa that one who is in the continuous act of loving Him can never displease Him. In fact, that love soothes and sustains Him. Love, not perfection, is what pleases God.

Dr. James identifies the root of this striving as deep insecurity—a learned belief that we are unworthy of love unless we earn it. He suggests that many of us, somewhere along the way, absorbed the lie that love is conditional. This woundedness seeps into our spiritual lives, leading us to try and prove our value to God. The danger, he warns, is that we begin to love our religious routines more than we love God Himself. When our spiritual practices become about checking boxes, we risk becoming self-centered rather than God-centered—even while appearing devout.

This form of religious narcissism, Dr. James explains, is a subtle trap. Even extensive prayer can become a way of idolizing our own efforts. He warns against the illusion of spiritual entitlement—believing that years of study or intense devotion have somehow earned us the right to divine gifts. The Divine Will is not something to achieve or unlock; it is something to surrender to. It is a gift that God desires to give, not because we have proven ourselves, but because we need it—because it is through His Divine Will that we are transformed into who we were always meant to be.

Importantly, Dr. James calls for a shift from spiritual self-reliance to spiritual trust. Trust that God’s love is real. Trust that He is not waiting for you to “get your act together” before He begins to love you. Trust that your worthiness is not something to be earned, but something that is revealed when you surrender to His grace. The invitation is to stop striving, and instead, rest in the security of His love.

He concludes with an invitation to total surrender—to stop running in circles trying to be perfect, and instead allow God to do what only He can: make us holy, make us beautiful, and make us whole. We are called to infuse our prayer lives not with obligation, but with love. When love becomes the driving force, our spiritual commitments shift from burdens to expressions of union with God.

In a final, moving reminder, Dr. James affirms: “God is not going to fall in love with you—He’s already in love with you.” The Divine Will is not a prize for the worthy, but a path for the willing. All God asks is our trust and our love.